mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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