I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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