She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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