the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
porn star boner night. come get it.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
