He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
