i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
