somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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