she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Drunk is a universal language darling
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