I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
