You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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