There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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