I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
