Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
third nipple confirmed
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
