"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
