It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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