Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
sarcasm needs its own font
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
