And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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