just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
