Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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