I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
