Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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