im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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