its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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