Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
