How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Randomize
