If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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