what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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