Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
