So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
