no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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