32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
