First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
