Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
