I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Hippo gnu deer
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
