i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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