I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
