i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
