Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
