His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
