tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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