Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
