Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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