Only a mothe r could love this liver
I checked into jail on foursquare
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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