I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
