this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
