My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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