I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
