I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
