never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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