Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Randomize
