you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
